Jesus, Himself and Him. Yes not "me" but Him.

Be still and know He is God.

2011-02-17T01:16:00.005-04:00

There is so much I would want to tell you, ask you, do with you, but the Lord is holding me back. Just ask me how many times I would have grabbed the phone or have written you, I know there were many. I don't know why, and I don't understand why I should die to us, but He knows best.
But it's hard.

There are days when I would rather not even have to get up from bed and face walking through these days without you by my side. There are days when I realize I can't live this way and try to keep busy and do other things. There are times when I can walk by faith but there are other times when I just look at my empty hands (empty literally as well) and cry. I can't say I have victoriously grabbed on to God's way of doing things and kept on working and serving and have "grabbed" other things from Him; I have failed miserably to do so. But I am glad you have! You've kept your eyes fixed on the vision He has for you ahead and I thank God for that! As for me, I've felt lost so many times. God knows I am trying to surrender to His hand and His will. It's what we asked for and prayed for so many times, His will done in our lives. He's willed this, so I'll just hold on to His hand meanwhile.

Among the many things I've learnt from this is that God has to be first. It sounds fancy and pretty but it's nearly unperceptible when someone/something takes His place in our hearts. I was angry at God for permitting this and taking you from me, but who am I to argue Him? As C.S. Lewis says, "Perhaps we feel inclined to disagree with Him. But there is a difficulty of disagreeing with God. He's the source from which all your reasoning power comes; you could not be right and He wrong. When you are arguing against Him, you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all. It is like cutting down the branch you are sitting on." That is so true. And it is also true that I miss you.

I've kept myself from writing you because I know that most of what I'd say would just be emotion after emotion and topped with memories and feelings and would just do us no good. This has been the one time that letting go unto God's willing has been so hard. No wonder why Solomon said love was such a strong thing.

I know I'm holding forth these things. But I am receiving a cours magistral from Him.
I am frothing for His purpose to be displayed to me. His "why" He has me in that career, and "what's" He got me to do for Him. But first, I am learning to love Him, when He takes away and when His voice is silent. He does turn away but with everlasting mercy He will look upon me once again. (Isaiah 54:8). It's time to have Him ground everything that takes His place. It's time for me and Him; you and Him. This acutes our hearing of His voice. And it will work out for the better; His idea of better.

It's 02:30, I'll doss down for today.

A Change in Focus

2010-04-07T23:26:00.007-04:00

Something's burning,

Something's stirring

Let me know Your will for me

I can't so eloquenty spell out what's in my heart

But a fervent desire, to grasp on for good;

Grasp on for good on to Your will for me.

I feel like I'm lookin at a sunrise from behind the glass.

Open my eyes, let me see clearly.

Open my heart, let me feel clearly.

Let me serve You, King.

Let me know the things You want me to know.

Help me grasp on to Your will, and not let go.

Proverbs 31:8 says it oh so clearly!..

My pride, my selfishness so don't want to let go

Of this security of this comfort.

Let my eyes see what You need Father

Put me in the places You need me.

Take me by the hand and dont let go.

Because it will break me in two,

It will tear me apart,

But that's what compassion is about.

Take me Dad.
I don't care for recognition.

I want You to see me.

Burn this pride from my heart.

Im sorry for missing out for so long.

Im sorry for falling asleep relentlessly.

Keep me awake until You return.

Find me doing Your will,

and loving You and those around me with all that's in me.

.

true true true, real real real.

2009-05-21T13:23:00.005-04:00

Acts 10:34-48

34-36Peter fairly exploded with his good news: "It's God's own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you're from—if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open. The Message he sent to the children of Israel—that through Jesus Christ everything is being put together again—well, he's doing it everywhere, among everyone.
37-38"You know the story of what happened in Judea. It began in Galilee after John preached a total life-change. Then Jesus arrived from Nazareth, anointed by God with the Holy Spirit, ready for action. He went through the country helping people and healing everyone who was beaten down by the Devil. He was able to do all this because God was with him.
39-43"And we saw it, saw it all, everything he did in the land of the Jews and in Jerusalem where they killed him, hung him from a cross. But in three days God had him up, alive, and out where he could be seen. Not everyone saw him—he wasn't put on public display. Witnesses had been carefully handpicked by God beforehand—us! We were the ones, there to eat and drink with him after he came back from the dead. He commissioned us to announce this in public, to bear solemn witness that he is in fact the One whom God destined as Judge of the living and dead. But we're not alone in this. Our witness that he is the means to forgiveness of sins is backed up by the witness of all the prophets."
44-46No sooner were these words out of Peter's mouth than the Holy Spirit came on the listeners. The believing Jews who had come with Peter couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out on "outsider" non-Jews, but there it was—they heard them speaking in tongues, heard them praising God.
46-48Then Peter said, "Do I hear any objections to baptizing these friends with water? They've received the Holy Spirit exactly as we did." Hearing no objections, he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.
Then they asked Peter to stay on for a few days.

God give us Your eyes and Your heart for those who are coming home soon.
Teach us to teach like You did. You're REAL Jesus.
We are Your children!! we do not perform before men, we live that full, free and trusting life, being lead by Your Spirit, showing these very men that we're just like them, nothing more nor less, we're useful in His hands, in His hands! He holds the UNIVERSE and everyone on earth...the plain and simple faith that holds that great and unimaginable, unthinkable God, Creator of ALL... living in us. . . .
ah.

for You

2009-05-13T01:26:00.003-04:00

i write for You.

You're awesome. Better yet if its a secret between You and me. You let me into You're private thoughts and yearns, so that through Your Spirit i can stand and scream them out to people who are blind, to see.

"Your Love is amazing, steady and unchanging

Your Love is a mountain firm under my feet."

Your Word does NOT COME BACK EMPTY. never. ever. ever will it ever come back empty.

Make me more faithful, make me more needy. Im nothing without You.

If Your hands arent over mine, if Your arms arent over mine, ill just drain my strength away. Cover me, surround me like that all days.

خَاطَبَنِي حَبِيبِي وَقَالَ: انْهَضِي يَاحَبِيبَتِي يَاجَمِيلَتِي وَتَعَالَيْ مَعِي،
فَهَا الشِّتَاءُ قَدِ انْقَضَى، وَكَفَّ الْمَطَرُ وَزَالَ.
وَأَزْهَرَتِ الأَرْضُ، وَحَلَّ مَوْسِمُ التَّغْريِدِ، وَتَرَدَّدَ هَدِيلُ الْيَمَامِ فِي أَرْضِنَا.
قَدْ أَنْبَتَتِ التِّينَةُ فِجَّهَا، وَنَشَرَتِ الْكُرُومُ الْمُزْهِرَةُ أَرِيجَهَا، فَانْهَضِي يَاحَبِيبَتِيِ يَاجَمِيلَتِي وَتَعَالَيْ.
(المُحِبُّ):

يَاحَمَامَتِي اللاَّئِذَةَ بِشُقُوقِ الصَّخْرِ وَمَخَابِيءِ الْمَعَاقِلِ، أَرِينِي وَجْهَكِ وَأَسْمِعِينِي صَوْتَكِ، لأَنَّ صَوْتَكِ عَذْبٌ وَمُحَيَّاكِ رَائِعٌ.
اقْتَنِصُوا لَنَا الثَّعَالِبَ الصِّغَارَ الَّتِي تُتْلِفُ الْكُرُومَ، فَإِنَّ كُرُومَنَا قَدْ أَزْهَرَ تْ.

Please let it not be arrogance my motive. But Your life in me, You bigger than me in me. Take away all the foxes.

Genesis 5:24

2009-04-20T10:38:00.003-04:00

Take me away as I walk with You Dad

19th

2009-01-19T21:38:00.001-04:00

I want to know you better Dad! That's all i want.

"When love becomes a delicate display.."

2008-08-30T23:28:00.005-04:00

Blog Song

[obviously] Jars of Clay - Weighed Down

I shall directly quote what i read on www.songmeanings.com when i looked up the song which has part of its lyrics in the title of this blog.

""When love becomes a delicate display" Many believe that love for God is best shown in weekly practices and ceremonies. This line speaks against that, suggesting that love is instead something different; it is wild, it is unpredictable, it is passionate. Love cannot be tamed to one hour long service in a week. It can't be forced into our altar calls or modern worship services either. Love is a lifestyle that will affect every aspect of your life. "

I shall add on to that.

Love is so much more than feelings. Emotions.. or pictures. Its sad to see how low we've rated love to be... how we've placed love in a shelf and sold it in a discount-bargain shop. Love is underrated.
As ive read once in someone's signature... "Since when did Love not last?"
Love is what will make ubelievers believe and come to Christ without us.. His Church.. His People... His Remnant (to make it sound more frank e. peretty-wise if you wish) needing to even preach. God Himself will teach them... God Himself will show them.

"This is the brand-new covenant that I will make with Israel when the time comes. I will put my law within them—write it on their hearts!—and be their God. And they will be my people. They will no longer go around setting up schools to teach each other about God. They'll know me firsthand, the dull and the bright, the smart and the slow. I'll wipe the slate clean for each of them. I'll forget they ever sinned!" God's Decree." Jeremiah 31:33,34

God cant be put into a box.

As David.. sometimes i pray and ask God to show His power and make all those who laugh and joke at His Word shut up and realize that He's Big and Strong and True. But He's patient.. He reminds me. I'm living proof of that patience.

Anyway I will not get off subject.

God is real. If anyone reads this who has the impression that God is like a reaaallly really old man who's sitting in a big shiny Throne and is just too tired to even move.. that He just looked down and frowns at us, poor humans who never understand Him anyway.
well... NO!! He is ALIVE. He is TRUE. He is WORKING IN THE LIVES OF HIS CHILDREN. He is not ASLEEP BUT KEEPS AWAKE. His eyes are on US. He loves us tenderly and sent His Son for us to be able to see Him.

Let go of all your preconceptions of Him. He already let go of all the preconceptions other people have made on you. Like the above verses say... He will FORGET our sins and let us be new!

Would a porcelain ornament have such effectiveness? If love is broken easily.. as people consider it to be.. then it wouldnt be able to make anything stand on its feet. But He does. He is alive and He's got enough to make every feet on the eath stand up and every eye look back at Him.

Its Love that changes us. Its Love [Jesus] that makes us whole. Its Love that fills us when we're empty. only Love can forgive sins...

aaah Love is more than just lovely.

something that's stayed with me today [part 1]

2008-06-09T22:34:00.010-04:00

--to start with... giving a little preface to this blog to orientate the reader--

Mood Song: Brooke Fraser - Faithful

Mood Expression:severe but calm yet desperate

Am I crazy yet? Crazy for what i want to be crazy and sober for what I need to be centered in?

Yet again I write as if i were showering down on plants with water that's mixed with sugar and salt and lemon. Cant tell which one came in first but I know its there...

Once more I find myself learning what I had professed to teach to others before... better said... what i taught i hadnt quite learned myself yet.

Where's my sword? sometimes i forget it also speaks to me, its much more than a mere instrument for high-tension battle... its the light to the path that guides my feet.... therefor...its as small as a word and as huge as a blow. hmm.

It tells me to come. just come. It tells me to not be afraid. It tells me that He's big and that idols are just something to laugh at, they can do neither good or bad.

It speaks i know.

Another stirr of emotion?
A past lesson not quite fully learned and passed yet? Am i repeating it once more?

Am i waiting or am i wasting my time? Either way You'll come. However, the difference is abismal. This hope makes me perfect, my Sword says so. The One i wait for makes me perfect.

Instead... wasting my time... asleep... resting... eating and enjoying...holding treasures for my own house, my own field, my own self... clearly leads to temptation and further destruction.

"Stay alert; be in prayer so you don't wander into temptation without even knowing you're in danger. There is a part of you that is eager, ready for anything in God. But there's another part that's as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire." *

It takes You so many supernatural things to bring me back on track. May seem small and insignificant but it really takes a whole lot to keep me there. Focused.

And as I heard today in a song.."Maybe I see much better by closing my eyes"

I do in fact... but... speaking truthfully...i honestly cant keep my eyes closed all the time can I? "Pray without ceasing" stands and tumbles inside my head... falls down and finally gets back up on its feet to tell me once again... as some other thought tumbles it down again... another doubt... another excuse.

With things as such... things that dont matter much we can run miles on end. But for His things? For His purposes? I bite my lip as i think of all the things i've traded for Him. idols that i thought could speak and could do me good.

My Sword speaks truth. Am I just living under its consequences? Under Laws of Gravity concerning the boasting and prideful... Laws of Inertia concerning the lukewarm?

Sounds and sounds and more things around.

This race is more than just a sprint. Long-run? Resistence fails... but weakness prevails. Strange. Not new though...

My head is full of information. Can I store somewhere where I can see and touch? As the widow who no longer could retain the oil because she could find no more places to put it in. The same I wish... somewhere to put all the blessings I receive... not to store for myself.. but for others and for whatever He may need me to have them for. My unexperienced hands cant hold so much.. i need something that can do it for me.. not for laziness but for my acknowledgment that it can be further lost if not well distributed and used wisely.

Hitherto i farwell, but my Spirit awake I pray. Keep me awake.

To Chose prayer before rest. To Chose prayer before anything. mmm.

* Matthew 26:41 [The Message]

It makes me think...

2008-04-02T23:13:00.004-04:00

How great He is, and how small we are

How good He is and how undeserving we are

No matter how much thinking I do, I can only stand in awe.

My thinking would get me nowhere

Instead, my spirit will join with His and rejoice.

For His mercy is forever and His goodness endures.

10 minutes

2008-01-19T23:49:00.000-04:00

Glory to God for all things!

All we are,

All we're not [yet]

All we have, what we dont

Because its not just about us..

It never was.

It's all about Him,

and will ever be like that.

Oh, Love, You've broken my fall,

And You've mended my brokeness.

You renewed,

And I long to give good fruit.

This first time is for You

This second try is for You as well.

I'll stand up if I fall,

Because I know that if i do fall again,

I have arms to fall into.

Grace, oh let me reach that remnant.

That precious remnant who will not bow down,

Who will not adore other than You God.

Not myself, not anything in this world,

Can compare to You.

Keep my focused oh Spirit of God,

I know you live in me, i am your temple

I know I dont belong to me,

I am to be used.

Reach out and show me the way,

Let me follow, I will follow

Just a day with You,

Just one day with You, my timing is not like Yours [fortunately]

God keep my feet on the solid ground,

On that rock upon which I know i am being edified.

Make me stand, make me speak, make me go.

I want to be made.

What else is there besides You oh, Jesus?

Who else can take Your place?

Who can reach out into that throne and touch Your robe?

Let me hear your voice and be filled with joy!

Let me recognize You're near.

In small and in big, You are there.

For You Dad.

For You.

a song whose lyrics hit me, yet i've never heard of before

2007-07-05T00:16:00.000-04:00

"Rose Colored Stained Glass Windows"

Another sleepy Sunday, safe within the walls
Outside a dying world in desperation calls
But no-one hears the cries, or knows what they're about
The doors are locked within, or is it from, without...

[Chorus:]

Looking through rose colored stained glass windows
Never allowing the world to come in
Seeing no evil and feeling no pain
Making the light as it comes from within, so dim...

Out on the doorstep lay the masses in decay
Ignore them long enough, maybe they'll go away
When you think you have so much, you have so much to lose
You think you have no lack, but you're really destitute

[Chorus]

if anyone has this song pleasee please send!

Let me have it

2007-06-11T23:03:00.000-04:00

Trying not to live in my flesh, but trying to live like You want me to.

Where does Joy come from? From heaven. What comes from above is not momentary, it has nothing from outside. But it also comes from inside of every single one of us. Just like faith. It comes from Him, but it is found inside of you. Faith does not rely on circumstances. Just like joy. Nothing from the outside can change or danger it. It’s unchangeable. If your joy comes from outside it’s not from above.

Trying to let go of all those things that happen in my life that don’t let me live spiritually.
Spiritual is the opposite of flesh. It has no flesh at all. It’s all in the Spirit. You’re not moved when you live by the Spirit- When every single part of our flesh is submitted to the Spirit, emotions and feelings and yearns can’t control your heart anymore.

I long for this.

I see people, so detached and disconnected from this world, I crave for that sometimes; too many a times.
But I can’t cut out all my feelings, I can’t unsensibilize myself, I wouldn’t be human anymore if I ever did. Sometimes I don’t want to get involved at all, with anything/body. But that would be giving up wouldn’t it? Giving up on people is not something Christ would do, where would we be then? I’m in it, but not of it. Therefore, I shouldn’t feel any loss when I miss out on things, or people of this world.

It takes courage to accept a bruise. As a cold slap that makes my face grow hotter and hotter with shame, I try and make things different this time.
Denial is always a cue shortcut to take. But I can’t tell you where it will lead you to through, And I wouldn’t like to check on that.

What I do know is that I’m not alone.
Things I never thought would happen did. I’m learning still.

Giving up is not in my to do’s quite yet. In His Name and through faith.

Abandon to sunrise glee

2007-06-09T15:32:00.000-04:00

7-9 The revelation of GOD is whole
and pulls our lives together.
The signposts of GOD are clear
and point out the right road.
The life-maps of GOD are right,
showing the way to joy.
The directions of GOD are plain
and easy on the eyes.
GOD's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold,
with a lifetime guarantee.
The decisions of GOD are accurate
down to the nth degree.

10 God's Word is better than a diamond,
better than a diamond set between emeralds.
You'll like it better than strawberries in spring,
better than red, ripe strawberries.

11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger
and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise how will we find our way?
Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins,
from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed,
scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.
These are the words in my mouth;
these are what I chew on and pray.
Accept them when I place them
on the morning altar,
O God, my Altar-Rock,
God, Priest-of-My-Altar.

It will come

2007-04-28T22:34:00.000-04:00

I may know who you are but not know you
And i may know you and not know that it's actually you.
I know some day I'll see you with the eyes im opening
And i know that God already placed me in your heart, just like you're in mine

I'll be waiting until you get here, and i'll sing to you all the songs i havent sang to anyone else

And you'll hear all the things i've waited to tell you, and you'll know it was me
I'd love to have you here right now, but i know i need something else first
I need someone else first.

I want it to be more than just pretty pictures and memories

I want something that will not break with time, something that won't fall apart.

I want to believe in a trust that goes beyond what people see first
There is no other hand that I would rather hold.
I won't have to say all this to you, because you will already know it
And it is so worthy to wait for.

But as we wait we're holding on with all we have to the One who's good
And faithful enough to give us what we need in right time in the right place.

To everything -- a season, and a time to every delight under the heavens
Ecclesiastes 3:1

[titleless..]

2007-04-06T22:06:00.000-04:00

It is when your under pressure that your real character comes out, just as it is.Here, you can't hide anything, you become an open book, even for others.God sees you just like you are, and just as you are He loves you. We are needy of Him.
▀ ▄ ▀ ▄
Let's not be afraid when our dark sides flourish to the top, we should be happy instead.Let's not hide and cover up exasperatedly our open wounds, because then they'll only rot.Let the healer heal, and let the needy receive.

For my Audience of One

2007-03-11T21:16:00.000-04:00

There is too much going through my head right now. To be honest I thought this would be easier. I've been through msn spaces (three yrs ago) and myspace (1 yr till now); so you would probably guess... I've got some sort of "experience" with blogging and posting. Which I do, somehow...

But that doesnt count here. hehe
Most people know me as Yani... or Boo.. or Shoo... or one of the many nicknames that i have been adapting to my personality these past years... hehe. Call me as you wish! :)

I know I will never pull this off without Christ's help and guidance. I need of Him more and more each day that passes. Each moment im stil alive, i realize how weak and small i am. But at the same time it reminds me that my God is big and awesome. He goes way father beyond all my mistakes or fears. He has love for every single one here; and boy its awesome to rest in His arms.

With all that in mind, here it goes! my first blog.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version)